Find my work in the March issue of Central Florida Lifestyle magazine

The March issue of Central Florida Lifestyle is out, and in it you’ll find two pieces I wrote. First up is a feature about the Windermere Roadies, a local cycling club, in the Southwest edition.

There is also a profile of musician and composer extraordinaire Robert Kerr in the Eastern edition.

Take a gander and feel free to let me know what you think. Thanks. Next month’s issue will have a feature I wrote about Habitat for Humanity of Winter Park/Maitland.

Danger, Will Robinson! (Or: How I Learned to Spot Job Posting Red Flags, Part 2)

To read Part 1, visit here.

Let’s take a look at freelance writing job postings that ask for a little too much.

If the ad requires you to take a "test" by writing a "sample," hit the Back button. This is an open invitation to steal your work (it happens all the time), especially if they demand you submit it to them today. You’ll typically be asked to write on a very specific topic with certain keywords and phrases. You’ll bust your butt to craft the best piece possible, submit it, and the chances that you never hear from them again are good. They typically sell your sweat equity to their clients and pocket the cash while you’re left with questions and frustration. Is it possible that the ad is legitimate? Sure, but do you want to take that chance?

This is an excerpt from an actual posting (emphasis mine):

"So for your test assignment, I'd like you to pick one of the above topics and write me 775 to 850 words..."

To test my theory, I responded to the ad asking for further information before I applied. Sure enough, I received a robo-reply then later that same day I received another reply asking me if they can expect to receive my "assignment" that day. Yikes! Talk about high pressure.

A Great Example of Not Knowing Your Audience

When I was the senior copywriter for an advertising agency that specialized in audio marketing (you know: those prerecorded messages you hear when put on hold after calling a business. "Did you know we’ve extended our weekend hours to 9 p.m.? Thanks for your patience. We’ll be right with you."), the number one tenet to keep in mind when writing the scripts was knowing the audience. In other words, no one likes to be put on hold so try not to irritate them any further! Ninety-five percent of the messages needed to be short and punchy -- preferably no more than three sentences -- with soothing music in between.

The clients always had to approve the scripts before we proceeded, and part of my job was to coach and guide clients as to what was the most effective way to reach their customers and prevent them from hanging up. The great majority understood that we knew what we were doing and they trusted our judgment. But I always had a few clients who absolutely insisted on proceeding with unsuitable script copy. For instance, one physician client always inserted "resume spots" into his scripts:

"After graduating from Slice and Dice University, Dr. Fancypants MacScalpel toured Italy, France and Germany on his bicycle with his two best friends from childhood, where he learned how to properly prepare strudel and linguini. Upon returning to his hometown, Dr. MacScalpel took up a new hobby, the Frisbee. Today, he regularly competes in Frisbee tournaments in the Midwest …"

You get the idea. Not to denigrate his accomplishments or background, but there are more appropriate forums to disseminate that kind of information. Just imagine being trapped on hold for 10 minutes, forced to listen to that. I thought so.

Keeping the Inaction Beast at Bay

Per a previous post (Writer’s Block? Patooey!), looking at a blank screen or piece of paper while trying to create something worthwhile can be intimidating. But what if you’re stuck? What if those words simple refuse to emerge from those invisible corners of your cranium?

While repeatedly banging your head against the wall might seem like the prudent thing to do in the heat of frustration, it is not in you r best interest. Try creative exercises instead. When I took a Creative Writing class at Hudson Valley Community College , the instructor had us do some terrific writing exercises that pried, cajoled and freed those elusive words from the gray matter. Here are a few of them, and though geared mostly to poetry and creative writing, they’re a great way for writers in any genre to slap those creative juices back into shape:

• Cut out words from magazines, books, newspapers or catalogs and jumble them up. Match them up to create interesting, unexpected combinations. Similar to Magnetic Poetry, but with two big differences: it’s free and there’s no restriction on the number or types of words you can play with.

• Along the same lines, take full pages from magazines, books or whatever and cut into quarters. Match them up to concoct provocative, surprising sentences.

• Take an excerpt from a book or magazine that’s written in a foreign language you can’t read. Translate it into English just based on the appearance of the words and your feelings. Don’t think too hard; just do.

Danger, Will Robinson! (Or: How I Learned to Spot Job Posting Red Flags, Part 1)

You can’t make the dead presidents without using some common sense.

So this post, the first in a series, explores those dicey writing want ads constantly clogging up online job posting sites. Through much time and frustration, I’ve discovered firsthand that many of them are outright scams, while others just seek to prey on the naïve or inexperienced. These sites can be a great resource to find work -- if you can separate the genuine opportunities from those trying to nab your work, your cash or your identity, or flood your e-mail with spam.

Dubious? Legit? Larcenous? Before you reply to ads, check for some warning signs:

*!#@%^&. Check for standard addresses. Do you know of any valid businesses with Web sites that resemble "www.$$$$.ru/34bdzxj835h/xx35.html"? Or e-mail addresses looking like "dinero34bgjk70#8sghfyxx@yahoo.com"?

Puppy Writer mills. Do you really want your name attached to an enterprise that stresses you "must be able to write at least 40 to 50 articles a week -- more interested in quantity than quality"? They won't pay you nearly enough anyway.

Worst Face Forward. Projecting an amateurish visage makes me, and I know I’m not alone here, click off the page quicker than a cheetah strung out on triple espressos (now there’s a mental image you don’t often see):

• Not stating upfront whether the gig pays or not. Making me rifle through pages and pages of a Web site to find out is not endearing.
  
• IF THE SUBJECT LINE (and worse, the ad itself) IS IN ALL CAPS WITH LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!
  
• If the ad is riddled with grammar, punctuation, spelling or syntax errors, what does it say about the quality of the publication or Web site they’re running?
  

Feel free to comment and add your own helpful hints.

An Alternative to Query Letters

Freelance writers need to be businesspeople. No one will look out for you but you. And part of that includes marketing yourself. And part of the marketing process includes query letters -- or in my case, the lack thereof. A common obstacle freelancers face, and one I struggle with, is those dang query letters.

What if I have a dynamite idea for an article or feature and I know in which publications it would fit perfectly, but I'm not sure how to convince an editor to buy it? The answer? A query letter, of course. When I first started pursuing writing as a career, I was convinced that the only way to publication glory was to craft perfectly compelling and convincing query letters that sell my ideas. You know ... magic. Sort of like the brisk flourish of a pixie dust-laced scepter. For whatever reason, query letters don't flow from my keyboard like some writers who seem to get the highest paying assignments from the coolest publications by the simple fact that they can easily and quickly compose these publication magnets. For me, it’s usually about as effortless (and fun) as finding a marshmallow on Mt. Everest.

The problem? Publications or Web sites that I absolutely knew I could write for. The style, the tone, the length, everything was up my alley. But if I didn’t have a specific topic to pitch I was out of luck. It was frustrating to say the least. That is until one day I read an article telling me to break those chains of query letters -- I didn’t need them. Instead, the article suggested using an introduction, or marketing, letter or e-mail. It’s a short two- or three-paragraph letter that basically asks if they use freelancers and offers a snapshot of who I am and where I've published. That’s it. Simple brilliance that set me free! Article after article that I read previously repeated the mantra: the one and only way to get your piece published was the (cue the music) query letters. It’s one of those "rules" that I ended up breaking, and I continue to break.

I would venture to say that at least three-quarters of the paying assignments I’ve received over the past couple of years are a direct or indirect result of the intro letters I’ve sent out. I haven’t completely abandoned query letters yet; I do have some article ideas that I’m confident I can sell. I’m just trying to perfect those query letter-writing skills -- while still sending out those intro letters.